LOS ANGELES — A new clothing line known as Claw promotes itself as the first luxury brand specifically tailored for the goth market and sells…
MERCER, Pa. — Nancy Lou and Michael Reznor remain optimistic that their son Trent’s strange clothing, dour attitude, and obsession with the macabre is nothing…
TOLEDO, Ohio. – Local goth office worker Todd Schmidt admitted privately that he is secretly craving a slice of the delicious Funfetti birthday cake that’s…
PONTIAC, Mich. — Local punk Vince Vanderberg was shocked when the results of a DNA ancestry kit revealed he had goth roots via the mother’s…
Hey bud, sorry to interrupt your kneeling sesh or whatever this, but we kind of need this spot. Sure it’s your dad’s grave and all,…
Does the My Chemical Romance singer think I’m stupid? He clearly must think I’m a big fucking joke if he assumes I’m dumb enough to…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. – Local teenager Valerie Booth reluctantly made the choice to be goth after reviewing her wardrobe consisting entirely of black hand-me-down clothes…
CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate makeup to make them look…
LOS ANGELES — Local goth Ophelia Hall recently began advocating for harsher prison sentences amid calls for justice reform, especially for the serial killer at…
SPOKANE, Wash. — An adorable bandana-clad dog seen frequenting the town skate park is rumored to be a human under a powerful curse from a…
HENDERSON, Nev. — Local goth Amarantha Obsidian blew her entire October grocery budget on novelty Halloween socks from Spirit Halloween Store, shocked friends and family…
NEPTUNE, N.J. — Local supermarket cashier and goth Trish Sommers filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against her employer after her PTO request for Halloween was…
Any celebrity can tweet against bullying in our school, but it takes a real class act to actually stand up and do something about it.…
For years, Mountain Dew has reigned as the favored effervescent beverage for gamers, skaters and bros alike. But thanks to a recent editorial mandate about…
BATON ROUGE, La. — Candace Lepetomayne, drummer for industrial band Manufuckturing Sextor, has become increasingly worried that her job will be automated and completed by…