BROWNSVILLE, Texas — Six-year-old Danny Crothers is reportedly continuing to discuss his future dreams with no regard to the fact that the planet won’t even…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Local sad sack Jarvis Palmer recently deleted all of his social media accounts and now spends most nights at his local grocery…
OMAHA, Neb. — Citizens across the country are coping with record breaking heat and wondering why there has been seemingly zero warning of rising temperatures…
PALMDALE, CA — Customers and baristas of The Catalyst Coffee Shop were shaken to their core Sunday afternoon when sick fuck Andrew Murphy ordered an…
Did we just discover the next Greta Thunberg? This 32-year-old environmental conservation warrior is keeping his carbon footprint small by using the same Spider-Man beach…
SEATTLE — A six-year-old purple otter pop was granted a new life purpose as a DIY ice pack after a record heat wave hitting the…
NEW YORK — Local Amazon employee Jeff Baxter developed a plan to finally use the bathroom at work after reading Jeff Bezos will soon be…
DETROIT — Automobile manufacturers across the country hoping to stem the tide of climate change pledged to go 100% electric by the time it’s too…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local woman and dedicated shower pisser Esme Hill reportedly held her urine in longer than usual on Tuesday night so she…
Hold on to your butts because this is huge. The government has officially confirmed the existence of UFOs and, presuming there really are aliens out…
Hey you! Yeah you, the gentrifying piece of shit driving around in that planet-destroying truck. Hey, I’ve got an idea. You should get in that…
December is almost over and you know what that means: it’s your last chance to get certain bugs and fish in Animal Crossing: New Horizons…
AMSTERDAM — Leading climate scientists have made a startling announcement, alleging that passionate fan enthusiasm for The Simpsons could dwindle to just one season by…
CLOCK TOWN — A Termina citizen took to the streets yesterday to denounce the large, ominous moon inching ever closer to the city as “a…
WASHINGTON — Climate scientists have solemnly published a new report which warns that, while the effects of climate change are sure to be devastating worldwide,…