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How To Do Your Part To Fight Climate Change So Major Corporations Don’t Have To

Science nerds will tell you that climate change is an existential threat to our world, but more importantly, to our corporations. That being the case, we need to make major sacrifices in our everyday lives so big businesses can keep this economy running until the ground eventually swallows us whole. Here are a few climate hacks you can do to relieve corporations of any responsibility.

Put All Your Trash in a Recycling Bin
Turns out garbage is bad for the environment. So recycle it! Food scraps, plastic bags, and pretty much anything laying around the house can be put into a recycling bin. This way we can do our part which will allow major corporations to continue throwing their trash directly into the ocean.

Throw Away Your Car
This one might be hard for a lot of people. Like, how are you supposed to get to your job at the ExxonMobil oil facility to release all those greenhouse gas emissions into the atmosphere if you don’t have a car? Ummm, how about a little thing called public transportation? That’s right, you could spend as little as four times as long getting to work so major corporations can continue to have their way with the environment.

Stop Drinking Water
More importantly, stop drinking water from a non-biodegradable plastic straw. Clearly, this is the real enemy of our Mother Earth. But since it’s so hard to drink water without the use of one of these miracle utensils, your best bet is to just stop drinking fluids altogether. A little dehydration is literally the least we can do for our corporate overlords.

Use LED Lighting
These lights use 75% less energy than ones you get at Target. We all need to make the switch before Earth is literally on fire. When that happens, you don’t want to be the one with egg on your face who had regular light bulbs in your home. That would be embarrassing. Please consider doing Chevron this one favor.

Compost Your Dead Friends and Family
We all need to do our part to reduce our carbon footprints and there’s no excuse if you’ve croaked. Chopping up your deceased friends and family so they’ll fit into your compost bin should marginally improve the environment. Don’t ask me how that works, but I’m sure that’s easier than asking corporations nicely to stop their climate-destroying bullshit.