Science nerds will tell you that climate change is an existential threat to our world, but more importantly, to our corporations. That being the case,…
OMAHA, Neb. — Citizens across the country are coping with record breaking heat and wondering why there has been seemingly zero warning of rising temperatures…
ASTORIA, Ore. — Beginner survivalist Ethan Foster quickly forgot which of the two bodily wastes was sterile, piss or shit, while traversing his first expedition,…
AUBERRY, Calif. — A local woodpecker, ignoring the desperate pleas of parents, continued to go completely apeshit on a tree that was planted in memory…
DETROIT — Automobile manufacturers across the country hoping to stem the tide of climate change pledged to go 100% electric by the time it’s too…
HOUSTON — Famed environmental superhero and holographic android Captain Planet announced he would be accepting a position as a paid consultant for multinational oil and…
NORTH HALEDON, N.J. — Local woman and dedicated shower pisser Esme Hill reportedly held her urine in longer than usual on Tuesday night so she…
PEORIA, Ill. — Self-described wolf enthusiast Roy Greene immortalized his obsession with the animal since childhood in a hastily drawn tattoo on the upper portion…
Hey you! Yeah you, the gentrifying piece of shit driving around in that planet-destroying truck. Hey, I’ve got an idea. You should get in that…
BOSTON — An allegedly cash-poor Dropkick Murphys irked fans by announcing that Arbor Day has always been one of “their things” in what was “definitely…
RUTLAND, Vt. — Local eco-douchebag Morgan Lence is reportedly living a completely vegan lifestyle, despite his claim to be a “total carnivore” when it comes…
KANSAS CITY — Local slob Donna McKenny agitated her roommates again yesterday with her claim that the mounting piles of dirty clothing in their apartment…