Dan Kozuh
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CHICAGO — Local punk Gary “Crutch” Burke’s girlfriend Jacquelyn Flowers, who helped Burke get off of drugs, stop living on…
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Aviva Siegel
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MADISON, Wisc. — Derek Carlson surprised his girlfriend Jessica Kravtsova today with the gift of allowing her to make all…
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Mark Roebuck
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BELLEVUE, Wash. — Online video game retailer Steam has announced an eerily particular sale, seemingly curated exclusively around games you…
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James Knapp
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LEMOYNE, Penn. — Roommate and all-around jackass Glen Sullivan reportedly drank the last beer in the house moments after having…
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Lana Schwartz
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PITTSBURGH — Your ex-boyfriend Jake Doherty’s new girlfriend, Sara Michaels, will receive the vaccine for the novel coronavirus before you,…
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Ben Doyle
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Ever wanted to annihilate your boyfriend in video games without annihilating his fragile male ego? Well with these six simple…
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Jeremy Kaplowitz
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ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local gamer Joe Fleming is reportedly worried that Nintendo’s stunning masterpiece Breath of the Wild has ruined…
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Ryan Danley
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SAN FRANCISCO — Local woman Amber Stevens is looking forward to a return of her favorite pastime of crying outside…
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Patrick Coyne
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DENVER — Your boyfriend of two years claimed yesterday, in a “totally gross” and “most definitely insincere” showering of affection,…
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Lana Schwartz
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CHICAGO — Local Pavement fan Nathan Matthews added Pavement lyrics to his Tinder profile yesterday, hoping to attract a woman…
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