SAG HARBOR, NY — Justin Timberlake announced his next album will be about how the popular alcoholic beverage Long Island Iced Tea is a lying…
WATERLOO, N.Y. — Staunch MAGA Republican and binge-drinker Justin Brently decided to show his unwavering support for Donald Trump after his recent felony conviction by…
So you hit up the Taco Bell Cantina happy hour with some co-workers, slammed spicy margs till last call, were forcibly removed from the premises,…
Well, Christmas is almost here and that means two things: You really want to get a PS5 this year, and your drinking is out of…
Ugh, what a day. I never want to see the inside of a courtroom again! Seriously, you drive drunk through one backyard, end up crashing…
PITTSBURGH – A prototype driverless car, manufactured by local technology start-up High Drive, crashed into a telephone pole and was issued a DUI on its…
Horrible news. It looks like Chris, our friend who drove us to the party, wants to stay longer. He seems to be in the middle…
PHILADELPHIA – Local friend and owner of a comfortable and reliable five-seat sedan, Victor Schnellenberger, is planning to quit drinking alcohol and begin a long…
As time goes on, I realize America isn’t the country I once thought it was. I honestly believed that work ethic and ingenuity would get…
SUMMERVILLE, S.C. — The hardcore band Gout prepared for their show tonight with their new tradition of drawing straws to determine who will drink and…
These days it seems like we’re all starting to feel a little creaky in the knees. Remember when the kid from the Nevermind cover bought…
Alright, LISTEN UP, you stupid, mouth-breathing, McDonald’s-eating, SUV-driving idiots. We only get one planet Earth, and you ASSHOLES are KILLING IT! I hope being able…