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Tragic: Friend With Car Doesn’t Want To Leave This Party Yet

Horrible news. It looks like Chris, our friend who drove us to the party, wants to stay longer. He seems to be in the middle of some conversation with a bunch of people—we don’t know them—who won’t stop joking about some friend of theirs who we also don’t know. You’re seriously the only person I get along with here, and it doesn’t even count because we came here together in dumbass Chris’ car. This is a tragedy and I just wanna go home.

I looked at my phone and it’s past midnight so no more buses are running at this time. We could split an Uber but we’re so far away. Hey, at least looking up how to get home gave us something to do! But now I’m bored again. This sucks.

Honestly, this is our fault for agreeing to come along. Sure, we heard more people we knew were gonna show up, but we should’ve confirmed somehow. Where are they? Do you think they all decided to hang out without us? Do you think it’s because Chris is always blowing his real friends off to talk to his other friends? Fucking Chris, dude.

Who are these people? How does Chris know all of them? Why do I have zero things in common with them when I try to talk to them? Not one person laughed when I quoted Mitch Hedberg. I hate it here.

People have been slowly trickling out, and it seems like we’re gonna be one the last ones here. Only one person gave us a half-hearted “nice meeting you” before enthusiastically hugging Chris goodbye. Humanity is scum and if the apocalypse happens tomorrow, I’ll be happy.

I think I found us a ride. Before you even ask, yes, it’s the older couple in the corner who are obviously swingers. Well, they said Chris’ car looks old enough to hotwire and they’re old enough to know to do that, so let’s crush these seltzers and get outta here.