DURHAM, N.C. — Local drug hookup Benjamin Wertner is reportedly only known to clients by his first name and one of the assortments of narcotics…
MEMPHIS, Tenn. — New Jersey-based punk, and massive acid enthusiast, Lionel “Tabby” Winnet is reportedly “confused but going with it” upon finding himself at bat…
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — Local punk Buddy Freeman admitted that the pills he steals out of his grandmother’s medicine cabinet used to be for recreation, but…
MESA, Ariz. — Cash-strapped music fan Cody Pauling attempted a “free” psychedelic experience at Orbital Wire Desert Fest by skipping all substances in favor of…
You have seen “Stranger Things,” right? Oh my god that show is so brilliant, I mean just from a marketing standpoint, cashing in on all…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local man Evan Stark’s highly anticipated acid trip at progressive rock band Organic Matter’s outdoor concert was foiled by the opening band…
PHOENIX — 35-year-old Cassie Lozano is in critical condition after she foolishly came to the conclusion she needed to limit her caffeine intake and decided…
DALY CITY, Calif. — Paul “Sprout Fingers” Brecher, a devoted follower of legendary rock band The Grateful Dead, did his best to appear interested in…
For as long as there have been shows, there have been drugs at shows. There’s just one problem: Music is very hard. One day the…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Residents of local punk house The Dry Socket made the cost-cutting decision to switch to Kirkland Signature for household whippets after reevaluating…
WASHINGTON — A new report from the Food and Drug Administration confirmed that the rate of teenagers rhyming the word “cigarette” with the words “night…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Local faded couple Robby Weeks and Angela Torres found and have since adopted a puppy while out doing whatever it is they…
QUINCY, Mass. – Neighborhood staple Al’s Market won an online poll for “Best Local Sandwich Spot,” despite strong evidence of it being a front for…
PALMDALE, Calif. — Local fuel sniffer, Seth Carr, purchased several grams of heavily cut cocaine in response to historically high gas prices and the need…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Southern woman and recreational drug user Darlene Abbot reportedly refers to every amphetamine or stimulant simply as “coke,” citing cultural norms and…