Since the 1970s The Muppets have provided that rare breed of wholesome entertainment that truly caters to the whole family. Unfortunately, as is the case…
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — Local crust punk Lou “Canker Sore” Schultz revised his bucket list to include getting a disease named after him in an…
SEATTLE — Local punk Brock Riley admits that he yearns for days when he could spread every illness under the sun to his friends without…
First of all, its name is Jeremy. And second, I don’t care if it can literally melt my skin while asphyxiating me to death if…
WASHINGTON — The American Psychiatric Association at its annual conference announced it added “poser” to the latest update of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of…
COMMON BEAGLE SMALL INTESTINE — Health authorities called upon legendary white blood cell police officer Osmosis Jones to come out of retirement and help as…
Yes, before you ask, these are bed bug bites all over my body, and no, I do not need the number of a great exterminator…
UKIAH, Calif. — Local showgoer Ernie Morales lamented the fact he is almost certainly contracting the coronavirus delta variant while attending an avant-garde noise show…
ATHENS, Ga. — Touring COVID strain Delta Variant surprised showgoers after being added to a sold-out show at local punk venue The Tribune late last…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Julian “The Stain” Rainer stunned a group of friends by somehow clogging a perfectly good toilet merely after urinating…
MEDFORD, Mass. — The basement practice space at 234 Syrup Street is reportedly overrun by enough Aspergillus fumigatus to dampen sound, thanks to leaky water…
MINNEAPOLIS — Unvaccinated couple Chris and Hannah Davidson excitedly shared the results of their latest COVID tests at a massive variant reveal party with family…
GEORGE, Wash. — Dave Matthews Band is raising alarm among epidemiologists and everyone who isn’t in a fraternity or sorority as they continue to play…
SAN FRANCISCO — New COVID-19 mutation the Gamma Variant garnered attention with a cryptic tweet telling followers it had “big” plans for fall and winter,…
Prepare to have your faith in humanity restored! When neighbors found out that 87-year-old Sacramento resident Robert Manzana needed help to pay for his insulin,…