Death Tag Archives - Page 20

Republican Grandma Dies of Democratic Hoax

Zach Russell • April 12, 2020

YONKERS, N.Y. — 83-year-old Judith Swanson tragically passed away last night at New York Presbyterian Hospital due to complications from…

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Oh Fuck, I Hit Deerhoof With My Car

Jason VanSlycke • March 5, 2020

Damnit! Oh no, oh fuck, I just hit Deerhoof with my car! Look, first of all, it's been raining all…

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EMT, emergency, music, snob, music snob, dead

Music Snob EMT Can’t Decide Which Song to Set Chest Compressions To

Malcolm Whitfield • February 26, 2020

ATLANTA — Emergency Medical Technician Avery Jamison searched through his Spotify playlist for several minutes yesterday before administering chest compressions…

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Eight Somehow Dead After Launch of Black Metal Streaming Service

Tim Sheard • February 25, 2020

OSLO, Norway — The brand new, all-black metal streaming platform “Corpsify +” is responsible for the brutal deaths of eight…

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Musician’s Funeral Turnout Pretty Good For a Tuesday Night

Issa Diao • February 18, 2020

TACOMA, Wash. — The funeral for moderately popular local musician Adam Klein was rather well-attended despite being held on a…

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Punk Coroner Keeps Pushing Back Time of Death

James Knapp • February 12, 2020

NEW YORK — Local coroner and punk Wayne “Bonecracker” Davis frustrated his colleagues last week, repeatedly pushing back the time…

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This Couple Died on the Same Day After Being Married for 55 Years and Getting Hit by My Car

Mark Maira • February 6, 2020

It’s not often that you get to be part of a love story that spans decades, affects generations, and captures…

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Grim Reaper Not Sure Who to Take After Thousands Proclaim ‘I Am Kirk Douglas’

Jay Miller • February 5, 2020

LOS ANGELES — The immortal god of death, the Grim Reaper, is reportedly frustrated with Kirk Douglas fans claiming to…

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Opinion: I Think I Can Make It!

James Knapp • January 29, 2020

Oh, dear. Well, Billy, you’re in a bit of a precarious situation here. Damn, this jump looked way narrower from…

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dog, dogs, heaven, dog heaven, St. Peter, god, line, wait

Line to Dog Heaven Backed Up Until Dog St. Peter Finishes Licking Own Balls

Krissy Howard • January 27, 2020

DOG HEAVEN — Several dogs awaiting entry into the big, grassy field in the sky are being forced to wait…

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