OAKLAND, Calif. — Local ghost Cece Quinn is reportedly unreachable unless specifically summoned with a name-brand Ouija board, and promises their contacts extra time if…
SEATTLE — Local punk Branson Jones died from multiple stab wounds last week after falling onto the pin side of his jacket during a session…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Yesterday’s funeral for beloved ska frontman Bruce Becker was strangely positive despite the somber occasion, due to several self-described “rude boys” dancing…
WASHINGTON — The White House claimed President Trump’s recent move to a local morgue at the insistence of his doctors was “simply a precautionary measure”…
AMERICA — An overwhelming majority of rational Americans announced they were suddenly infected with hope, an emotion thought to be eradicated following the 2016 election…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — Facebook officials discovered a glitch in the platform’s algorithm last week, in which anti-vaccination propaganda pages are being recommended to the…
Microsoft Flight Simulator is a masterpiece in realism, from the perfectly tuned flying instruments to the fact that my son Trevor, who tragically passed…
FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. — Callahan’s Casket Emporium will offer a “Back to School Blowout Sale” this year, offering discounts of up to 50% on last year’s…
LOS ANGELES — Following the success of “The Big Bang Theory” and its spinoff series “Young Sheldon,” CBS announced today that another spinoff entitled “Dead…
WASHINGTON — President Trump’s approval rating has failed to crack the 40% mark among the last remaining American who managed to survive the pandemic and…
LOS ANGELES — Local tattoo artist “Big” Frank Kowlaski admitted today that he was profoundly impacted by a tattoo he inked last week of a…
LOS ANGELES –– Local man Eric Daniels’ social media post featuring his dog had an awfully long caption for a pet who isn’t even dead…
SEATTLE — Seattle police officers attempting to complete a routine first-aid course last week finished their training session by kneeling on the necks of bullet-ridden…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Democratic Presidential frontrunner Joe Biden and his staffers were surprised by the results of a recent COVID-19 test that found that he…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Ofc. Travis McHone opened fire on several guests gathered at his home last night for a surprise party in his honor, leaving…