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Crust Punk Candidate Vows to Decrease Jobs

BUFFALO, N.Y. — Crust-punk presidential candidate Leo “Swamp” Marsh revealed plans today to slash employment opportunities during an impassioned campaign speech held in vacant hotel…

Local Crust Punk Dog 100 Percent Vegan

BERKELEY, Calif. — Local crust punk Brad Garnett has taken his vegan activism to the next level, adopting a 100 percent vegan, plant-based dog. The…

6 Species of Crust Punk That You Need To Know

Like all living things, crust punks can be classified into many different subspecies. Here are some of the most common crusties found in nature. Illustrations…

Humans: Crust Punks’ Ancient Ancestors?

AUSTIN, Texas – Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin have made a startling discovery. Though controversial, anthropologists have determined that crust punks may…