PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Rusty Steinman reportedly multiplied at a rapid rate after coming into direct contact with water, confirmed weirded out sources.…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local crust punk Skye Mathtison is leaning hard into self-help culture for 2024, pinning pictures of his deepest desires of the dirtiest…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — The new “gutterhaus” subscription box service is disrupting the living-on-the-streets industry by delivering artisanal cardboard boxes to gutter punks every single…
PHILADELPHIA — A group of local crust punks selflessly offered to help furloughed “bootlicking peons of the bloated and immoral federal government” yesterday by teaching…
WEST SENECA, N.Y. — Legendary crust punk Selma “Pusbubble” Gormin shocked her friends and fellow squatters this morning, announcing that she was “sick of this…
BOCA RATON, Fla. — Local crust punk Johnny “Eight Fingers” Arnold awoke late Saturday afternoon to discover he had accidentally saved a park from demolition…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — Crust-punk presidential candidate Leo “Swamp” Marsh revealed plans today to slash employment opportunities during an impassioned campaign speech held in vacant hotel…
NEW YORK — Vagabond crust punk Sheri “Tick Bite” Rowland was spotted outside of the Bowery Whole Foods store begging shoppers for “just $15 to…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local crust-punk Richard Andre married his roommate Morgan Atwell yesterday in a romantic ceremony in which he passed his contagious ringworm infection…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. – Last week UC Santa Cruz Entomologist Sara Springer shocked the science community by discovering a new species of louse that has…
Burlington, VT – Megacrustaladon: A prehistoric ancestor to the modern Crust Punk was, in it’s time, the apex predator of the pit. A creature whose…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local crust punk Brad Garnett has taken his vegan activism to the next level, adopting a 100 percent vegan, plant-based dog. The…
Like all living things, crust punks can be classified into many different subspecies. Here are some of the most common crusties found in nature. Illustrations…
NANTUCKET, Mass. – The breezy, seaside tranquility of a Nantucket beach was shattered this weekend by the arrival of a rogue crust punk who, according to…
We asked six esteemed sea captains to talk to us about their first encounters with crust punks. WARNING: these stories are not for those who are…