2020 has been a shit show. Not here to argue that. However, it was pretty fucking cool when the government gave us that $1,200 stimulus…
My president likes his soldiers “not captured.” Well, I like my presidents “not dead.” And I like Trump, so it’s a good thing COVID has…
WASHINGTON — President Trump expressed disappointment early Friday morning at being all caught up on his favorite TV shows following doctor’s orders to quarantine for…
CHICAGO — Cinephile Brad Reznik attended a showing of Tenet, despite dangers associated with the COVID-19 pandemic, for the opportunity to explain the high-concept sci-fi…
TAMPA, Fla. — Employees returning to the local offices of Seabass Accounting & Tax Services this week were reportedly shocked to discover their cubicles overrun…
It’s really tough to look at the state of the world today and see anything positive in it. With the COVID-19 pandemic showing no sign…
This pandemic has been hard on all of us, especially those of us who believe it’s all one big liberal conspiracy to get me to…
Every moment of this waking nightmare that calendars call “2020” has been full of hair-pulling, heart-wrenching, tooth-gritting despair. My friend told me her therapist suggested…
CINCINNATI, Ohio — Fall Guys: Ultimate Knockout player Tim Williams insists that the only reason he grabs others at the finish line is due to…
DYERSVILLE, Iowa — The magical “Field of Dreams” that once hosted the ghosts of baseball greats like “Shoeless” Joe Jackson and Mel Ott has been…
Life is meaningless, our world is in flames, and all hope is futile. But just because I’m dead on the inside does not mean I…
I’m tired of catching shit for not “doing my part” just because I do things differently. Now that the government has given up on fighting…
CHICAGO — Levi Tanaka, bassist and lead vocalist of technical death metal band Rodeus, issued an apology today via Facebook Live for “Decimate the Weak…
DES MOINES, Iowa — Local Klan member and conservative activist David Mount has changed his views on wearing masks in public following recent stay-at-home orders…
CDC Recommends All Americans Keep Audio Logs During Pandemic for Future Protagonists to Stumble Upon
CDC Recommends All Americans Keep Audio Logs During Pandemic for Future Protagonists to Stumble Upon
WASHINGTON — At a press conference this afternoon, CDC Director Robert Redfield urged all American citizens to begin keeping audio diaries during the COVID-19 pandemic,…