LOS ANGELES — Vocalist Trevor Handler of Reseda pop punk band Half-Hazzard insisted that his reluctance to help the band move gear in and out…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Retail clerk Emma Stephenson finally began to feel a sense of normalcy as an unreasonably irate customer screamed directly in her face…
CHERRY HILL, N.J. — Local woman Stacy Tran was reportedly shocked by a recent revelation that she shares a more intimate bond with her shower…
LOS ANGELES — Recently vaccinated man Albert Kalomatsos posted his out-of-focus vaccine selfie weeks too late for it to even have a symbolic meaning, way…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Local show promoter Steve “Froggy” Fordham recently posted a photo to Instagram that showed him pocketing cash stolen from a band he…
MOORESTOWN, N.J. — Local dad Henry Connor insisted he will not be comfortable hugging his 27-year-old son Griffin until they’re both vaccinated against COVID-19, or…
CHICAGO — A passenger on American Airlines Flight 3077 was reportedly concerned whether he was allowed to lower his mask in order to use the…
Social distancing regulations got you down? Losing your sense of identity without the ability to get drunk in a stranger’s basement and mosh until you’re…
DENVER — Local woman Caitlin Baker recently celebrated her fully vaccinated status by dropping her dating standards to an all-time low, concerned friends and family…
BOISE, Idaho — Local woman and lifelong punk Charlotte Birdsong came to the relieving conclusion that she does not miss a single thing about going…
SEATTLE — A coalition of ‘90s doctors announced this morning that fully vaccinated individuals are safe to peruse each other’s overstuffed CD binders in a…
BOTHELL, Wash. — Audio equipment giant Behringer excited consumers by releasing a new line of electric drum sets that comes pre-covered in dust, allergy-ridden sources…
QUINCY, Mass. — Local man and self-described introvert Blake Crowley became an adamant anti-vaccine activist in a desperate attempt to avoid being forced to attend…
So we ran into the guy from Smash Mouth on our lunch break while in line at Shake Shack. No big deal, right? That’s what…
LOS ANGELES — Acoustic guitarist Harry “Wild Child” Kearns caused a mass evacuation from a local vaccine site with his terrible acoustic renditions of pop…