WASHINGTON — The Surgeon General issued a grave warning to America’s youth today that vape pens and e-cigarettes are sadly nowhere near as cool as…
SAN FRANCISCO — An alarming report released today from the Environmental Defense Fund found that every year, up to 80 percent of vegan leather jackets…
BRIDGEWATER, Mass. — Your coolest cousin and basically “big brother” from ages 4-13, Donnie McGee, was finally released from prison earlier today, not-so-excited sources confirmed.…
AKRON, Ohio — Everyone attending last night’s metal show at the famed Forked Tongue venue thought your shirt was really cool, witnesses confirmed this morning.…
ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Local parents Joyce and Rich Gloppin have severely overestimated their 9th-grade daughter Dani’s social standing and ability to obtain illicit, cool drugs,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Recent transplant and aspiring landlord Jenny Holmes is “surprisingly cool,” according to her first tenants, as she is allegedly willing to be…
IRVINE, Calif. — Youth pastor Doug McCabe casually mentioned yesterday that he had a friend who was “a real punk rocker, and his name is…
PITTSBURGH — High school English teacher Dennis Schneider disregarded yesterday’s lesson on George Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984 in favor of “rocking the hell out” to…
LAFAYETTE, La. — Local husband and father Harold Walsner insisted this morning that putting in a full eight hours of work each day at the…
EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn. — Vice-Principal of Eden Prairie High School Wayne McCarthy claimed this week that he can relate with some of his school’s more…
WOODLAND, Calif. — Emerson Middle School teacher Erol Raybould inconspicuously cuffed his shirt sleeves this morning in hopes that his American History students would notice…
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — An adjunct lecturer of American Studies at Santa Monica City College strongly hinted to his class this morning that he had…
DENVER — University of Colorado freshman Gordon Brill attempted last week to reveal his affinity for the band They Might Be Giants to his new,…
DURHAM, N.C. — High school teacher Eddie Dunn was named “coolest teacher in school” in the Mount Hills Senior High yearbook superlatives last year for…
ATHENS, Iowa — The punk and hardcore music communities are facing an international crisis, as scene experts predict the planet will run out of decent,…