Uh-oh, it’s happening again. That flush feeling. The heart palpitations. Racing thoughts. The signs are clear: you are having another panic attack. But don’t worry,…
Let’s get one thing straight. I didn’t come here to make friends. I’m here for one thing and one thing only. I’m your goddamn service…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local music fan Don Glenswig was elated last night to discover a long line for the bathroom in which to waste time…
PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Grave Danger lead singer and self-described “walking ball of nerves” Dave Schwantes admitted today that he was “pretty sure” everyone was staring…
CHICAGO — Local artist Joe Burns is reportedly refusing to take any form of antidepressants for his crippling mental illness, fearing it may inhibit his…
When local man Teddy Seals discovered that his co-pay had gone up and he could no longer afford his anxiety medication, he was devastated. However,…
TRENTON, N.J. — Local music fan and extreme demophobe Sally Englund had an unexpectedly pleasant experience last night at her boyfriend’s empty, indie-folk gig, thanks…
CONCORD, Calif. — A local punk teenager resisted becoming “a vessel for consumerist propaganda” today by immediately covering the logo on her brand-new Jansport backpack…
NEW YORK — Shortly after telling responding officers they’d never see him again, bank robber Austin Linders embarrassingly found himself last night fleeing the scene…
Like, seriously. I’m asking honestly, do you all hate me? I don’t know, maybe I’m just being paranoid but I sometimes feel like you’re all…
SEATTLE — Depression and anxiety unexpectedly announced a co-headlining secret show last night at the prefrontal cortex venue inside the brain of Matt Daytona, leading…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Local stoner Zannah Meyers concluded that the weed she smoked this afternoon must be “extremely shitty,” after a near-hour of puffing resulted…