Jonah Nink
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SAN FRANCISCO — Pop punk archaeologists uncovered shocking evidence that ancient Green Day fans boiled captives alive inside of hollow…
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Dan Kozuh
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BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — Heavy Metal Archaeologists remain locked in fierce debate over who erected a pyramid of Coors Light cans…
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AVIGNON, FRANCE — A team of archeologists announced Monday the discovery of an array of prehistoric cave paintings in southern…
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CJ Hernandez
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ROME — After reconstructing an ancient piece of pottery featuring various Roman gladiators categorized by their perceived strength, ability, and…
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Ryan Danley
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SAN FRANCISCO — A Novel Experience Bookstore owner Dale Severen was deemed “totally not legit” yesterday for lacking a dynamic…
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Ted Pillow
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TOPEKA, Kan. — Local punk Ryan Brewer was doomed Thursday night to wander the earth as a merch guy until…
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Grant Stiles
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MARRAKESH, Morocco — An archaeological discovery made outside of Marrakesh yesterday places the extinction of punk rock at roughly 8,000…
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Tristen Stafford
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ITHACA, N.Y. — High school student Peter Church etched a swastika into his 9th period math class desk in a…
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Patrick Coyne
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ALAMOGORDO, N.M. — A recently opened GameStop experiencing a rash of paranormal phenomena was discovered to be built atop the…
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Mark Turner
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TORONTO - Punk powerhouse Fucked Up is well known for being one of the most prolific modern indie bands. However,…
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