SANTA FE, N.M. — Local punk Trevor McGill was shocked but not surprised to find the only existing photo of him not blackout drunk was…
It’s about to be a new year, and that means it’s time for a new you! Unfortunately, the new you is remarkably similar to the…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Local woman Kirsten Russet decided to rescind her “out” status as bisexual following online rumors that Paramore is breaking up, sources confirmed.…
CHICAGO — An undetected and increasingly dangerous leak from a gas main at the Rogers Park punk house, known informally as “The Shitbox,” is the…
Well, well, well…look who we have here. If it isn’t Mr. “Punk” himself… That’s what you call yourself, right? “Punk”? That’s funny because I don’t…
TACOMA, Wash. — Atmospheric black metal band Galadriel’s Mirror pushed back against critics who claim their only influence is “The Lord of the Rings,” claiming…
If there’s one thing we here at Hard Times are sure of, it’s that Father Time is undefeated all-time. Which makes sense, because after all,…
Do you have cold hands and really want everyone to know about it? Have you ever looked at sand and thought, ‘Mmm, I want that…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Professional punk magician Lyle “Skid” Harber is reportedly creating spectacles at a number of dive bars in his neighborhood by magically making…
Despite what your friends, family members, and recently assigned parole officer might say, circumstances that seem tragic right now will soon be something you and…
NEW YORK — Centrist supervillain Devin “The Devil’s Advocater” Jameston gave an impassioned monologue today revealing his plan for global domination is just ensuring the…
It’s a normal problem: your friend brought you to this exclusive sex party, but you want to listen to Sufjan Stevens. Suddenly, you’re in a…
As you probably know, FUCKIN’ SLAYYYYERRRR! But unfortunately, there are some people out there who are unaware. Yes, I know, it is very sad. What’s…
JOLIET, Ill. — Squatmate of the infamous Hell House Rodney “Worm” Mason is facing doubt from his peers after they discovered he owns not just…
Hey, uh, bit of a situation here. I’m a few measures into my song and just realized I made a grave mistake. The bridge has…