MILPITAS, Calif. — Local data analyst Wendell Peters reportedly received the dreaded “we need to talk” text message, sent from his AI ChatBot Girlfriend, confirmed multiple sources.
“How could she do this to me? I gave her everything. The best avatar profile, the best name,” lamented Peters at local dive Tequila Shots Bar and Grill. “I planned an entire trip. Plane tickets for one, Michelin dinner reservations for one, a romantic single bed at a mid-level resort. There’s nothing wrong with chatting 24/7 when your girlfriend has a response rate of seconds. I feel like she’s implanted this malware, but in my heart. She loved my jokes, my constant compliments, always had the perfect comeback— almost as if she was tailored to me. Now I’m forced to return to my waifu pillow, who is honestly lacking in the conversation game.”
Local programmer and ex-girlfriend Winona Kent saw this coming from a mile away.
“I feel sorry for Wendell, but I don’t blame her,” said Kent from her San Jose startup desk. “I worried about the sustainability of their relationship. What if there was an electrical outage, or when WiFi is down? He is crippled without her. When we were together, I had to co-sign on his apartment. An algorithm won’t be able to do that. Show me an AI processor that can pick him up from the airport. He is deeply online, and I mean, like all the time. Still, I’d love to talk to his AI ex. Compare notes, swap gossip. Like, does he still smell like the faux leather of his gaming chair? I have to know.”
A founding director for PublicAI reached out amid the controversy.
“We’re actually sent that text manually out of concern for Wendell,” clarified Alfred Kisson from his Palo Alto office. “We call this a ‘digital relationship deviation.’ He needs to spread his wings and move beyond the algorithm. It’s become an ethical concern. Plus, he’s gotten creepy. Emailing us constantly, even driving out to our server farms in Oregon. That’s hundreds of miles just to stand outside a large humming building. When denied entry, he apparently began crying, demanding to see server logs of users ‘speaking to m’lady,’ as he put it. It’s been very messy, but we hope we can remain friends.”
Despite the kickback, PublicAI is developing a new chatbot to ping recently dumped users with a “hey u up?” text in seven to nine months.