To any and all Hollywood butt-chuggets that might be reading this: Hi. You probably don’t know me. I didn’t go to AFI, I’ve never won…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Invisible Gravity Cannabis Dispensary recently announced it will host throwback night where patrons can relive the days of splitting a fat…
The concept of the family unit has changed drastically for millennials like me in that I cannot afford to start one of my own, which…
NEW YORK — Frontman of award-winning Heavy Metal band Xanstärr, Joey Blakkburn, says that he and the rest of the band hope to land a…
As has already been established in this very publication, Cattle Decapitation is the furiously-misanthropic, environmentally-conscious, and stunningly-virtuosic tech-death/grindcore band of choice for the cultured, discriminating…
Is there anything more boring than a funeral? You might as well get shitfaced while respectfully expressing your condolences. Thanks to your shitty genes, family…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — A mass shooting that left one dead and at least 30 others injured at the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl Parade,…
If you’re a fan of NOFX, the iconic punk band known for their fast-paced instrumentals, (sometimes) politically charged lyrics, and irreverent humour (you probably wouldn’t…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Former president Donald Trump teased his top picks for vice president during a recent Mar-a-Lago fundraising event, according to gaudily-dressed sycophants…
The other day, I was watching some documentary while waiting for a video game to download, and I heard a guy say something like, “Jazz…
GLASGOW — An outdoor Belle & Sebastian show abruptly ended in tragedy after a sudden light breeze sent several fans flying hundreds of feet into…
Well, it’s Valentine’s Day again, and your so-called long-term relationship has run its course. You know it, they know it, all of your friends know…
MONTEREY, Calif. — Recently retired father Fred Maligno has set up a 360-degree investigation into the car that mysteriously appeared parked in front of his…
I was on this date with this incredible man, Connor. Not only was he charming and personable, he is also a doctor and volunteers at…
Newburgh, N.Y. — Kirsten Emery, guitarist in local punk band Feral Insurgence and vocal critic of Valentine’s Day, curiously embraced the “sham” holiday now that…