The other day, I was watching some documentary while waiting for a video game to download, and I heard a guy say something like, “Jazz is about the notes you don’t play.” That really got me thinking—if that’s true, and I’ve never played a note of music in my entire life, that must make me some sort of all-time great!
I’m not saying I know a ton about jazz, but I can’t stop thinking about how much that line describes me. Like when I was little, my parents didn’t even try to get me to pick up an instrument. I mean, they encouraged me to try other things, like sports. Well, mostly just curling. They’d drag me out of bed at 5 a.m. on weekends for rink time. And that basically crushed any interest I might have had in pursuing any hobbies at all.
As I think more about the documentary narration I heard as I looked down at my phone, there was a lot of talk about some guy who’d keep changing tempos without telling anyone. His “unpredictability made him great” they said. I thought, “Wow, I’m just like that!” I mean it. I’m totally spontaneous. Just yesterday, for example, I suddenly didn’t feel like working, so I called in sick five minutes before my shift. My manager was pretty upset, but I told him that’s just who I am. And just like that, I was napping.
Oh, you know what else? The narrator kept mentioning improv! And guess what? That’s basically the only other hobby I’ve ever tried. I even took classes! Well, I took one class. All I remember is the teacher yelling a scene suggestion at me. I froze up, and everyone got very uncomfortable. But after a while, they started laughing. I remained paralyzed in fear, yet somehow, the more time passed, the harder they laughed. I never went back, but getting that big laugh makes me think I’m kind of a natural.
When you add it all up, I’m probably even better than that famous trumpet guy they kept panning around the screen. I’ve basically got every trait you could want without lifting a finger. It’s like my report cards always said—I’m nothing but potential: neglected, wasted, squandered. And I’ve been careful not to ruin any of my untapped genius by actually trying something. Certainly not jazz.