It’s the end of the week, which means you still have time to kick back and catch up on the most important stories you missed in the scene over the last seven days.

Help! I Started Masturbating to Baroness Album Covers and Now I Can’t Get Off Without Layered Symbolic Imagery

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10 Bands That Are Now Classic Rock, Proving You Are Old as Hell

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Philly Dad Passes Down His Father’s Throwing Batteries for Son to Use at Super Bowl

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Pop-Punk Frontman Sneaks Girlfriend into R-Rated Movie For Valentine’s Day

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George Santos Empathizes With Shooting Victims As Someone Who Died in Columbine

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DJ Under Impression No One Can Tell He’s Playing Rollercoaster Tycoon up There

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So You’re the Only Dog at a House Party: 5 Ways To Escape Socially Awkward Losers

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Future Punk? My Daughter Just Covered a Wall With Stickers Then Threw Up

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Opinion: King Diamond Would Be Much Prettier if He’d Just Paint His Face Into a Smile

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Bassist Misses Entire Set to Avoid Disturbing Cat That Settled in on Lap

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Mark Wahlberg Promotes New Restaurant by Kicking The Shit Out of Some Guy In Parking Lot

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