MODESTO, Calif. — Resident Crocodile Club DJ Ronald “DJ Pelham123” McVorland is reportedly convinced that no one in the venue can tell that he is clearly using the booth laptop to play Rollercoaster Tycoon, suspicious sources confirmed.
“Rollercoaster…Tycoon? Oh! That old PC game for kids? Never heard of it! I mean, it sounds a little fun, sure, but I’m too focused on my DJ career. I have to get the people dancing,” said McVorland. “The only tracks I’m concerned with are the ones on my tracklist for the night. Heh, definitely not the tracks of a CGI rollercoaster I’ve been working on for weeks. I’m much more concerned with stuff like BPM and…hold on a second, let me just put in a tilt-a-whirl here…Oh, ‘put a tilt-a-whirl here’ is DJ industry term for ‘pick next track.’ Sorry to get technical.”
Club goers were reportedly not convinced that McVorland was giving the music his undivided attention.
“Something was off right from the start of the night. For one thing, he kept turning the music down at random points just to shout ‘WHEEEEEE!’ with his hands straight up in the air, not on the beat or anything,” said Macy Lindenson. “We couldn’t help but notice that his laptop would sometimes be shared to the gigantic projector screen behind him. When it came to designing the coaster, he was in the zone. Full minutes of silence would go by between songs before he noticed he was supposed to be cueing up another track, and he’d try to play it off, saying it was good for us to have time to talk amongst ourselves. Unprofessional, but it made a lot of us want to buy a copy of the game for ourselves.”
Local architect Myra Boyce was also in attendance that night, but had a more positive reaction.
“I caught a glimpse of his designs, and in my professional opinion, they were things of beauty. I know it’s just a silly game, but you could tell he had an eye for making creative, structurally sound amusement park rides,” said Boyce. “I wish he would have been a little more upfront with what he was actually doing, because a majority of the crowd was curious to see his coasters. Most of the frustration was with his insistence that he wasn’t playing the shit out of Rollercoaster Tycoon. To reiterate, any compliments I’m giving this man are for his construction and engineering skills, I am in no way endorsing his effectiveness as a DJ which, it should be noted, is very, very negligible.”
When pressed further, McVorland appeared to double down on his denial by, despite the entire club’s protestation and encouragement, refusing a full-ride scholarship to MIT.