WICHITA, Kan. — Local student Adam Irving was stunned to learn that Brick Teeth frontman Kevin Gillion had awarded the audience a coveted “Best Crowd…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local show-goer Tommy Gill was informed by irate staff at Fitzie’s Pub last night that the item he used as a bidet…
LONDON, England — A giant, nearly two-meter long baby was flown over London Square today, prompting confusion and outrage among local residents. The controversial appearance…
DENVER — Local anomaly and known dirtbag David Gunther has perplexed a team of scientists with his disgust at the hypothetical prospect of a woman…
LEXINGTON, Ky. — Local tattoo artist Jory Belden has created a book of preconceived conversation topics for clients refer to and choose from during their…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Single Aries should be on the lookout for a new “special someone” in places they might otherwise not look…
LOS ANGELES — Tech billionaire Elon Musk and legendary U2 frontman Bono announced today that, after years of testing and research, their team finally has…
I am so sick of hearing people complain about this administration and their idealistic, unrealistic expectations of assassinating Donald Trump. Does anyone really believe that would solve anything? Change starts from the bottom up. You need to roll up your sleeves and put in the work every day to foster social change in YOUR community. Real change doesn’t happen at the presidential level. Drop the dreams and raise your cross-hairs on local politicians and city council members because real change starts at home.
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — A new documentary chronicling the creation of the Creedence Clearwater Revival song “Fortunate Son” will feature a brief appearance from the obscure,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Recent transplant and aspiring landlord Jenny Holmes is “surprisingly cool,” according to her first tenants, as she is allegedly willing to be…
COCKEYSVILLE, Md. — Computer scientists have successfully created a new algorithm for punks, elitists, and adherents to all things “alt” to keep up with all…
BALTIMORE — Barbecue attendee James Duffy was disappointed to learn this afternoon that vegan host Terry Russo provided meat options for his guests, forcing Duffy…
Over the past few years, we as a society have faced a number of difficult conversations. We’ve discussed systemic racism with #blacklivesmatter. We’ve explored rampant…
SEATTLE — Recently relocated musician Nadine Oliver is still finding her way hating the city chosen last month as her new home, according to neighbors…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) Keep your cool this week, Aries. Temper tantrums are like rocks in rochambeau — you should only throw them…