SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — High school sophomore Michelle Johnston was hospitalized for exhaustion last night after leaving a full day of attending predominantly white classes…
HILTON, N.Y. — Boyfriend and birthday boy Brad Krister insisted today he really doesn’t want anything from you this year other than to spend time…
BALTIMORE — Members of local band Wasted Rat agreed yesterday that the guitar solo in their new song “absolutely rips,” but immediately turned to arguing…
BURBANK, Calif. — Contrarian punk Greg Howard derailed his family’s appearance on “Family Feud” yesterday with esoteric answers and random outbursts, production sources still cleaning…
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — An alarming new report released today found that your DVD collection is in disarray, thanks to months of putting the DVD you…
LOS ANGELES — The wardrobe department for last night’s episode of long-running procedural “NCIS: Los Angeles” dressed a “punk” character in an Aerosmith T-shirt and…
SALIDA, Colo. — Grassroots activist organization Punks for Sustainable Merch announced yesterday the opening of a nature refuge to prevent the extinction of medium-sized band…
SAN DIEGO — Self-proclaimed “beard guy” Reggie Eustace transitioned back into “no personality guy” yesterday after shaving off his beard, leaving him with no discernible…
CARY, N.C. — Local co-op worker Alan Swanson is fed up with assumptions that he’s somehow in charge of coworkers at least 12 years his…
SAN FRANCISCO — Tech startup Ampt Ventures announced on Tuesday that, in an effort to cultivate a fun, company culture, their Bay Area office now…
DENVER — Local high schooler Jake Fritzler astounded his teachers today by scoring 1050 on the SAT despite entering nothing but the sequence “ACAB” on…
DENVER — Local man Joseph Adams stands accused today of making jokes about his friend Aaron Ianni much too soon after the latter’s untimely death,…
CINCINNATI — Local resident Ricardo Korm reportedly asked several passersby for money yesterday to buy Patreon-exclusive content from his favorite podcasts, according to sources outside…
I have been Stephen Colbert’s biggest fan ever since the fresh-faced young star first burst onto the scene in 2015, taking over for David Letterman…
CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa — Amateur musician Ryan Mason spent countless hours through the last couple weeks crafting a flyer for his band’s show tonight, forgetting…