SANTA FE, N.M. — Seasoned death metal guitarist Robert Young incurred his first instance of hearing damage by attending a screening of the children’s movie…
CRESCENT CITY, Calif. — A highly sought after stick-and-poke tattoo artist at the notorious Pelican Bay State Prison revealed to fellow inmates that he is…
LOS ANGELES — Local Silver Lake landlord, and self-described progressive, Daniel Hickson began an email informing his tenants of a massive rental increase with brief…
Well folks, there’s not been much good news going on in this once proud town of ours. Heck, last week when your trusty man about-town…
SEATTLE — Ostentatious little showboat David Farrow is spending all of January completely abstinent from alcohol without the looming threat of incarceration, vexed sources confirmed.…
BOSTON — Local ghost Beatrice Ledbetter vowed to abstain from haunting until the punk tenets living in her ancestral home deal with even the most…
EAST LANSING, Mich. — Members of local punk band Appeal To Hell are seriously considering getting out of their tour van to help their bassist…
NEW YORK – The 46th precinct in the Bronx is celebrating a record-high quarterly murder quota by offering pizza, games, and an overall good time…
MINNEAPOLIS — Officer Dale Kisserman of Minneapolis’s Third Precinct returned to work earlier today after a mandatory administrative leave with a rejuvenated sense of bloodlust…
MILWAUKEE — Legendary beer brand Pabst Blue Ribbon made the bold decision to rebrand their classic lager as a bread-flavored hard seltzer after reviewing recent…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local interior designer Sara “Slime” Gonzales gave Maggot House a much-needed makeover after convincing its residents to expand their floor plan by…
IRVINE, Calif. — Local woman Jasmine Dreskel put a stop to her boyfriend’s sexual advances after noticing his custom lovemaking playlist curiously contained several Weird…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich — Local meadery Springs of Fangorn closed early today when owner Mark Gray realized all of his staff had tickets to see…
ATLANTA — A 1996 Ford Econoline E-150 is spending its retirement transporting guests of the Holiday Inn safely to and from Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport after…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. – A new album by melodic metal band Die Versity was described as “intriguing but unfocused,” by Rachel Pompey, a music fan with…