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Closeted Republican Politicians Breathe Sigh of Relief as X Makes Likes Private

WASHINGTON — Closeted Republican politicians across the country breathed a collective sigh of relief following Elon Musk’s announcement that likes on X will no longer be public, multiple sources reported.

“This is a huge win for privacy rights,” said Senator Lindsey Graham, unconvincingly. “With this decision, Elon Musk is showing the world that the posts people like in the privacy of their own home is no one’s business. Personally, this change doesn’t affect me at all. I’ll just continue liking posts about war and such. I hope this decision inspires other tech leaders to follow suit with similar policies, like making sure that private browsing searches can never be uncovered.”

Meanwhile, other notable members of the GOP expressed trepidation with Musk’s decision.

“While I understand the privacy concerns, I’m worried that Mr. Musk hasn’t considered some of the negative effects that come with hiding likes,” said House Speaker Mike Johnson. “For instance, monitoring my 18-year-old son’s porn habits will be considerably more difficult now. I used to be able to simply look in his likes to see if he so much enjoyed a photo of a woman’s uncovered shoulders, but now I’ll have to continue to use the deeply creepy app I’ve installed on both our phones to do so.”

The tech billionaire and X CEO explained his rationale for the change, noting how it will help maintain the privacy of his allies in elected positions and protect them from attacks on their character.

“When it comes down to it, no one needs to see the images and videos that our elected officials are liking on their personal and professional accounts,” said Musk. “This policy will help our politicians keep their private lives private and protect them from defamatory attacks by the ‘tolerant’ left about their kinks and fetishes. It should also be noted that this change has nothing to do with those hentai photos I accidentally liked. It’s crazy that anyone would even suggest that.”

As of press time, Senator Tim Scott commented that he can “like even more of the posts that turn me on, like photos of women and boobs.”