Ted Pillow
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March 17, 2020
PHILADELPHIA — St. Patrick’s Day revelers at Rocco’s Lounge realized moments ago that the green beer they’re drinking is not…
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Doug Francisco
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March 17, 2020
FITCHBURG, Mass. — 32-year-old hardcore kid Justin Phillips is driving the “snakes” out of his local scene just as the…
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Josh Fernandez
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March 16, 2020
Dudes! Summer is right around the corner, which means one thing: Hot hardcore shows and even more hot girls in…
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Peter Woods
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March 15, 2020
WASHINGTON — Democratic Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders accidentally told former Vice President Joe Biden “nice set” after tonight’s democratic debate,…
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Your Honor, take a look at this jury. When I arrived here for my trial, I was told the jury…
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Kevin Tit
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March 14, 2020
ALISO VIEJO, Calif. — The And1 clothing company is introducing a new line of shorts crafted specifically for hardcore kids…
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James Knapp
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March 13, 2020
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Punk and self-described “downfall of the establishment” Garreth Wilkes announced today that he will send a vicious…
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SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local frontman Spencer Wilt made an impassioned declaration to the Coronavirus "and other infectious diseases," clarifying that…
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James Knapp
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March 10, 2020
KENT, Conn. — Local shoplifter and psychological mastermind Wendy “Sticky Fingers” Hartley reportedly bought a 35-cent pack of Big Red…
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Local punk Eddy “Rotgut” Lewiston made a panicked phone call to his parents to make sure his…
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