Music Archives - Page 118

Poser Phish Fan Has Only Seen Them Live 72 Times This Year

Allegra Ringo • September 15, 2023

MANCHESTER, N.H. — Alleged Phish “mega fan” Walter Pratt admitted he has only seen the popular jam band perform live…

Husband Beginning to Suspect Wife Has Been Sleeping With The Dead Milkmen While He’s at Work

Stephen Bell • September 15, 2023

PHILADELPHIA — Jealous husband and punker Shaun Grables is starting to suspect that his wife is secretly having sex with…

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Metal-Themed Spelling Bee Ends in First Round When Nobody Comes Close to Getting Sanguisugabogg Correct

The Hard Times Staff • September 14, 2023

LAS CRUCES, N.M. — Organizers of a spelling bee primarily focused on metal band names were disappointed to see every…

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Man Recommending Petey Album Cautiously Tip Toes Around TikTok Mention

The Hard Times Staff • September 13, 2023

SAN JOSE — Local man Chris Bendar, 32, very carefully found a verbal path around mentioning TikTok when recommending Petey’s…

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Vinyl Collector Dad Can’t Decide Whether Kids Should Be Alphabetical or Chronological

Nathan Kamal • September 13, 2023

SALEM, Ore. — Local father of four and avid collector of vinyl records Douglas Buckner is unsure whether his children…

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Man In Crowd Imprints on Arena Vendor Walking Aisles Like Baby Bird

The Hard Times Staff • September 12, 2023

[caption id="attachment_160686" align="aligncenter" width="1048"] Click here to preorder[/caption] Petey USA was born a 14-year-old boy in the crowd at a…

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Nauseous Guy Staying Close to Buckethead Just in Case

Joe Rumrill • September 12, 2023

SAN BRUNO, Calif. — A sick-to-his-stomach backstage passholder at a recent Buckethead concert spent the whole night making sure to…

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Casualties Fan Wakes up From Terrible Nightmare Where He Wasn’t Talking About How Punk He Is for 10 Seconds

Chris Bowen • September 11, 2023

ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. — Local die-hard Casualties fan Jeremy Stillman was struck with what was described as "blood curdling terror"…

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Idiot Guitarist Manages to Lose Pick Inside Electric Guitar

Courtney Hill • September 10, 2023

TOLEDO, Ohio — Local nu metal guitarist and longtime imbecile Mike “Grundbutter” Hobbes of Synapse Flux somehow managed to lose…

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High School Band Teacher Better At Screaming Over Instruments Than Hardcore Vocalist Will Ever Be

Sara Mellas • September 10, 2023

EDISON, N.J. — Local high school band and orchestra teacher Christa Dimarco mastered the vocal art of screaming at a…

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