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Musician Switches Guitar Like Anyone Can Hear the Difference

SOUTH KINGSTOWN, R.I. — Ben Bryes, guitarist for local alt-rock band Swiss Army Gun, reportedly switched his instrument while performing even though literally no one could tell, indifferent sources confirmed.

“We have this new track called ‘Rome Wasn’t Built In a Day,’ more of a moody downtempo ballad, and it really helps when I whip out my axe that isn’t in drop D,” reported the hopelessly optimistic Bryers. “We only want to provide the most killer experience for those that come out to see us – how else are we gonna graduate from opener to main event? I’m always prepared for any extremely minor changes in tone that could make or break the whole set. I’ve got three other guitars on a rack offstage too, just in case I think the crowd really needs to hear something different.”

Music fan Jason Simmons was completely indifferent to the guitar exchange that occurred before his very eyes.

“Yeah, this venue’s PA usually sounds like complete shit so I’m not even tuned in to whatever the hell they’re doing,” Simmons explained. “I figured maybe he broke a string and borrowed that guitar from one of the other bands while it was getting fixed. I genuinely could hear zero, and I mean zero, difference between instruments. This guy must be under the impression there are more than 17 people here, and that we all don’t have intensive hearing damage.”

Sound industry professional Laurie Gravers, who handles the soundboard at the South Kingstown Roundhouse, expressed little sympathy for the plight of Swiss Army Gun.

“I’m not saying this job is easy, but I definitely enjoy getting a little break when it comes to opening acts,” Gravers admitted. “For a good chunk of the soundchecking stage, I’m getting paid for nothing but giving a few affirmative nods as the Swiss Cheeses or whatever they’re called are trying to ‘get their audio levels just right.’ No one cares, no one is ever going to care, and if they care, they are in the wrong business.”

At press time, Swiss Army Gun managed to finally score some applause from two or three people in the crowd after thanking the headliner for the chance to open for them.