Lauren Lavín
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It is a historical fact that Andrew Jackson was a shit-eating bag of limp dicks and prolapsed buttholes. As a…
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Bobby Korec
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DENVER — Local marijuana enthusiast Toby Strickland is “pretty sure” he is the first to invent CBD-infused marijuana, which he…
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SAN DIEGO — Aspiring Reddit user and avowed Blink-182 fan Stuart Brennan was flabbergasted Saturday evening as he attempted to…
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Erin McLaughlin
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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Greenpoint-based shitty bookstore Books, Beanz n’ Beats Cafe is also known for being a shitty coffee shop…
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GENEVA — A recent report from leading vegan scientists indicates the limited supply of dairy milk alternative Oatly could lead…
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Dear Scabby: I’m really embarrassed to admit this...but I just shat a bunch of skittles out of my womanly parts.…
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Doug Francisco
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AUSTIN, Texas. — Local punk Rachel Ronson inadvertently removed both of her legs just below the knee last night while…
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Patrick Coyne
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BUFFALO, N.Y. — A small, unorganized local collection of punks, transients, and drug addicts with minimal artistic ability and motivation…
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Freelancer
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INDIANAPOLIS — Recent college graduate Mark Robinson had a job interview yesterday he thought “went pretty well,” despite his inability…
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Tom Peters
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AMHERST, Mass. — Local resident Minkont Cranford stunned his roommates yesterday with his acquisition of an oversized, bulky organ, discovered…
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