John Danek
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PEORIA, Ill. — Local guitarist Matt Carlton asked his Sweetwater sales rep today to be in his wedding as his…
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John Danek
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I divide my life into two segments. The first part was the darkness. I worked as an audiovisual artist taking…
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Alexandra Houle
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LOS ANGELES — Garage-rock frontman Julian Wood asked a casual female acquaintance yesterday for naked photos in an effort to…
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Lauren Lavín
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It is a historical fact that Andrew Jackson was a shit-eating bag of limp dicks and prolapsed buttholes. As a…
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Bobby Korec
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DENVER — Local marijuana enthusiast Toby Strickland is “pretty sure” he is the first to invent CBD-infused marijuana, which he…
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SAN DIEGO — Aspiring Reddit user and avowed Blink-182 fan Stuart Brennan was flabbergasted Saturday evening as he attempted to…
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Erin McLaughlin
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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Greenpoint-based shitty bookstore Books, Beanz n’ Beats Cafe is also known for being a shitty coffee shop…
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GENEVA — A recent report from leading vegan scientists indicates the limited supply of dairy milk alternative Oatly could lead…
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Dear Scabby: I’m really embarrassed to admit this...but I just shat a bunch of skittles out of my womanly parts.…
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Doug Francisco
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AUSTIN, Texas. — Local punk Rachel Ronson inadvertently removed both of her legs just below the knee last night while…
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