Patrick Crooks
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BURLINGTON, Vt. — Rotund drummer Mike Crenshaw overcame the insecurities associated with his body by leaving his shirt on during…
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John Danek
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BOSTON — Local straight edger Alana Enders’ depression ostensibly reached a new low when she told the bartender at White…
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Jonah Nink
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NEW YORK — A barista at a New York City Starbucks struck a somber tone yesterday, wishing that more of…
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Dillon Magrann-Wells
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YOUR FRIEND’S LIVING ROOM — Multiple sources at the party you’re currently attending confirmed that it would be “totally weird”…
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Louie Aronowitz
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ATLANTA — A mannequin positioned in the storefront of a newly established clothing store in East Atlanta Village is “kinda…
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Krissy Howard
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DULUTH, Minn. — A pair of blue grippy socks given to local punk Kim Duverne while in rehab for methamphetamine…
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Jessica Carreiro
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LOS ANGELES — Local showgoer Hannah Bishop left Tower Bar’s only bathroom late last night in a state many witnesses…
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Shea Strauss
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CARLSBAD, N.M. — Avid Tinder user Myles Soto enjoyed playing Devil’s advocate last night while his date begged him to…
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Patrick Crooks
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WASHINGTON — Departing employee Bridget Hogan’s profanity laced email instructing her former bosses to go fuck themselves was downgraded to…
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Louie Aronowitz
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EDEN — God, the almighty, omnipresent being responsible for the creation of life itself, finally confirmed that he removed Adam’s…
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