Jason VanSlycke
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MILWAUKEE — A feral hair-metal band identifying itself as Twisted Sister broke into the home of and terrorized a local…
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James Webster
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SEATTLE — A passionate bout of intercourse between local couple Robert Levin and Andrea MacNeil was put on hold this…
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Mirinda Moriarty
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Listen up, buttercup. I am a firm believer in the principles of God, country, and family. In that order. So…
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Patrick Lilly
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ANAHEIM, Calif. — Yesterday’s funeral for beloved ska frontman Bruce Becker was strangely positive despite the somber occasion, due to…
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Ramona Apthorp
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LOS ANGELES — Local punk and weed enthusiast Sam “Switch” Gremillion inserted his penis into an old bong Wednesday afternoon…
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Patrick Coyne
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WASHINGTON — ‘90s rap-rock icon Kid Rock is currently having a full blown panic attack after “dropping a major league…
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Jason VanSlycke
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BETHESDA, Md. — President Donald Trump is recovering from COVID-19 symptoms and home from the hospital where he keeps asking…
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Ryan Danley
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LOS ANGELES — The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences will add a Performative Allyship category for next year's…
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James Knapp
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RUTLAND, Vt. — Local eco-douchebag Morgan Lence is reportedly living a completely vegan lifestyle, despite his claim to be a…
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John Danek
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SILVER SPRING, Md. — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has forced R&B group Blackstreet to disclose that their 1996…
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