John Dixon
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November 11, 2020
LONDON — Venerable heavy metal legends Iron Maiden announced they will hit the road again late next year and will…
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Dom Turek
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November 11, 2020
NEW YORK — Luxury sex toy manufacturer Bad Vibrations claims their latest dildo, which can’t maintain a full erection and…
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Dan Kozuh
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November 11, 2020
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dominique Martin was pleased to discover today that her total credit score was nine, believing this…
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Patrick Coyne
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November 10, 2020
CLEVELAND — Local man Ryan Kaufman salvaged the majority of his unused best man speech yesterday after adding some minor…
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Kevin Tit
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November 10, 2020
Fuck Joe Biden. Plain and simple. Who does that commie bastard think he is trying to raise taxes on blue-collar…
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Danny Taverner
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November 10, 2020
DALLAS — Residents of the local punk house The Lincoln Memorial learned yesterday that the white noise machine they thought…
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Lauren Lavín
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November 9, 2020
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local sandwich artist Allison Kim’s spacious, work-issued polo shirt did little to block a well-known customer’s intense,…
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Louie Aronowitz
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November 9, 2020
HILL VALLEY, Calif. — Marty McFly admitted today that he now mostly uses his time machine to go back in…
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Kevin Tit
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November 9, 2020
HANOVER, Pa. — Local Nazi, Kyle Rumbley, is unsure how to tell his family he voted for Joe Biden after…
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Tim Nash
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November 9, 2020
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local pop-punk group Dorm Room Philosophers reportedly fought over songwriting technique yesterday while recording their new album,…
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