ANAHEIM, Calif. — Yesterday’s funeral program for recently deceased Nathan Rivard was the most fun his friends have had since the beginning of the COVID-19…
Hey, thanks for coming over. Are you enjoying the music? You can put on whatever you want, you know? Can I fix you another piña…
I was having a typical Saturday evening home. Turned down the lights, locked the doors, put on the newest Sean Cody video, was ready to…
Whether you’re my mom’s ex-boyfriend or the guy my mom is currently sort of seeing Led Zeppelin has had an undeniable impact on your dumb…
WASHINGTON — Congressional attempts to pass a COVID-19 stimulus bill once again reached an impasse yesterday after Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) introduced an amendment to…
LOS ANGELES — Members of all-black punk band The ‘Stangs were nominated for a Grammy late last month, but are unsure why they were nominated…
WASHINGTON — Residents of the punk house collective known as Radistan have reportedly “lost their goddamn fucking minds if they think anyone is going along…
EUGENE, Ore. — Tearful members of the Whiteaker Neighborhood Association determined through contentions debate yesterday that the common protest refrain “ACAB,” standing for “All Cops…
SEATTLE — Local man Brian Preston failed moments ago to covertly adjust his balls, accidentally drawing the attention of everyone within his eyesight, onlookers confirmed.…
BOWIE, Md. — The staff of Free State Digital are reportedly at their wits end over sales rep John Morris’s habit of microwaving, gutting, and…
LOS ANGELES — Local caregiver Sheila Hart apologized to the patrons and staff at the Van Nuys Party City earlier today after a person under…
HYATTSVILLE, Md. — Local Millennial Dave Simmons, flipping through channels in the wee hours during a visit to his parents’ house, wistfully recalled today the…
ATLANTA — College friends Aisha Brooks and Jason Haley promised to get together soon yet again today, just as they had for the past nine…
LOS ANGELES — CBS executives announced today the return of “2 Broke Girls” as an OnlyFans exclusive, following the success of previous reboots like “Young…
FALLS CHURCH, Va. — 36-year-old Michael Connelly’s sarcastic response moments ago to a demand from his parents effectively eliminated the possibility of receiving any inheritance…