WASHINGTON — National Public Radio, drunk on its own power over hordes of tea-drinking listeners, announced a new series of mandatory-viewing Giant Desk Concerts, according…
BEDFORD, N.Y. — Matchbox Twenty lead singer and primary songwriter Rob Thomas announced that the United States of America, a divided nation caught in a…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local metalhead and part-time barista Oscar “Grouch” Palmer woke from a horrible nightmare in which his treasured denim vest had somehow grown…
America’s bizarre fascination with cartoon cats has existed for the entirety of our country’s existence, originating with a tortie that Alexander Hamilton doodled in the…
What an incredible dinner party this is! I’ve never been in such a gorgeous yet oddly period non-specific mansion before, and definitely not one in…
Mister Bond, welcome to my inner sanctum. I had hoped that you would manage to elude my men, even the very deadly and ethnically ambiguous…
Fashion trends come and go, but true style is deeply personal and unique. Clothing isn’t just something you wear or use to express your superiority…
Okay, so you’ve called time-out and are wasting everyone’s precious time when they could be watching a thrilling yet family-friendly game of high school basketball.…
Huh, that’s sure some graphic tee you’re wearing. Let me take a closer look at the image you’re so casually walking around displaying; seems like…
CHICAGO — Local man and ostentatious snob William Huller was struck with an intense wave of envy as he pretended to read ‘Gravity’s Rainbow” in…
We’ve all been in this situation: the luxurious cruise ship on which you were traveling for some well-earned relaxation time in Mallorca crashed into a…
The Killers are one of the single biggest rock acts of the this millennium, a powerhouse band propelled by the incredible showmanship and charisma of…
Is there anything better than a grilled cheese? That crisp, butter-soaked bread, the gooey, stretchy cheese, the divine pairing of a cup of tomato soup…
EUGENE, Ore. — Leo Radler, a bartender at local pub The Swampland, is completely unaware that many of the regular patrons of his place of…
CHICAGO — An undetected and increasingly dangerous leak from a gas main at the Rogers Park punk house, known informally as “The Shitbox,” is the…