Friend of Band Unaware He’s Their Manager October 2, 2024 PHILADELPHIA — Local man Duncan Jackson remains utterly unaware that he is the manager of his friend’s band Black Lab… Read More →
Power-Mad NPR Announces Giant Desk Concerts August 26, 2024 WASHINGTON — National Public Radio, drunk on its own power over hordes of tea-drinking listeners, announced a new series of… Read More →
Rob Thomas Announces Divided Nation Needs a Little of That Ol’ Rob Thomas Magic August 9, 2024 BEDFORD, N.Y. — Matchbox Twenty lead singer and primary songwriter Rob Thomas announced that the United States of America, a… Read More →
Metalhead Wakes from Horrible Nightmare Where Vest Had Sleeves July 29, 2024 EUGENE, Ore. — Local metalhead and part-time barista Oscar “Grouch” Palmer woke from a horrible nightmare in which his treasured… Read More →
25 Cartoon Cats Ranked by Their Involvement in the JFK Assassination July 24, 2024 America’s bizarre fascination with cartoon cats has existed for the entirety of our country’s existence, originating with a tortie that… Read More →
Opinion: I Sure Hope I Don’t Get Murdered at This Dinner Party Full of Colorful Eccentrics July 7, 2024 What an incredible dinner party this is! I’ve never been in such a gorgeous yet oddly period non-specific mansion before,… Read More →
So, Mister Bond, Will It Be Mountain Dew…or Mountain Dew X-Treme? June 14, 2024 Mister Bond, welcome to my inner sanctum. I had hoped that you would manage to elude my men, even the… Read More →
5 Awesome Fashion Hacks to Tell the World “I Absorbed My Twin in the Womb!” May 12, 2024 Fashion trends come and go, but true style is deeply personal and unique. Clothing isn’t just something you wear or… Read More →
Opinion: Show Me in the Rulebook Where It Says a Dog, Which We’ve Established Can Play Basketball, Can’t Bite Another Player to Death April 6, 2024 Okay, so you’ve called time-out and are wasting everyone’s precious time when they could be watching a thrilling yet family-friendly… Read More →
Oh, You’re a Cat Lover? Name Three Insane Things the Parasites in Your Brain Have Compelled You To Do April 3, 2024 Huh, that’s sure some graphic tee you’re wearing. Let me take a closer look at the image you’re so casually… Read More →