Nathan Kamal, Author at HARDTIMES

6 Awesome Guitar Licks You Can Learn if You Stop Masturbating for Even a Few Minutes

October 9, 2023

We've all heard it before: guitar is easy to play, difficult to master, especially for chronic masturbators. However, some of…

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Heartwarming! This Hero Dog Saved Three Kids, so We Let It Bite the Shit Out of One!

October 5, 2023

Around here, we’re suckers for a feel-good story, but this one really got the waterworks going for us. Dogs may…

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I’m a Cenobite From “Hellraiser” and I Just Found Out You’ve All Been Calling Me a Hurtful Name

October 4, 2023

For countless, immeasurable eons, we Cenobites have watched humanity and all your little joys and tiny torments. We are demons…

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Cinema Icon: 15 Lesser Known Film Roles of Blowjob Bear From the Shining

October 3, 2023

When we think of filmmaker Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 masterpiece, The Shining, we all only think of one thing: the actor…

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Audience Member Preparing to Throw Phone at Taylor Swift Torn Apart by Mysterious Shadows

September 30, 2023

CHICAGO — Taylor Swift concertgoer Noah Nussbaum was torn into dozens of bloody chunks of meat by dark, shrieking shadows…

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“The O.C.” Intro Flashes Before Dying Millennial’s Eyes

September 19, 2023

CHICAGO — Thirty-eight-year-old millennial and grocery store manager Tyler Bretlin was shocked to vividly re-experience the iconic opening credits scene…

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Punk Who Misses “Old New York” 17 Years Old

September 14, 2023

PATERSON, N.J. — Local punk and high school junior Terry Probost, who often claims to miss the grimy, dangerous, pre-Guiliani…

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Vinyl Collector Dad Can’t Decide Whether Kids Should Be Alphabetical or Chronological

September 13, 2023

SALEM, Ore. — Local father of four and avid collector of vinyl records Douglas Buckner is unsure whether his children…

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Punk Gym Teacher Thinks Freshman Has Great Potential to Smoke Under Bleachers

September 11, 2023

EUGENE, Ore. — Arthur “Sweaty” Grant, a punk physical education teacher at Churchill High School, expressed that incoming freshman student…

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We Sat Down With St. Vincent but She Didn’t Do Anything To Cure Our Leprosy

September 10, 2023

Few rock stars have successfully moved through as many artistic phases as St. Vincent, from the pretentiously complex chamber pop…

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