January 1, 2021
If you are reading this right now and your name is Yolanda Saldívar… FUCK. YOU. You literally MURDERED beloved singer/songwriter/spokesperson/businesswoman/…
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August 19, 2020
WARRENVILLE, Ill. — Local sixth grader Billy Luetzen suffered a crushing embarrassment yesterday after writing “Megadeath” instead of “Megadeth” on…
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July 26, 2020
CHICAGO — Local woman Lilly Choi’s depression has devolved to the point that she has stopped looking behind the shower…
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April 6, 2020
AVENTURA, Fla. — Local man Benjamin Eads tearfully crossed off “call Grandma” from his to-do list today after the COVID-19…
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March 24, 2020
I’m balding! And I’m super nervous in general. I’m only 39 and I’ve had my prostate checked eight times. I’m…
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March 18, 2020
So last week I was feeling under the weather: sniffling, a little dry cough, fever, you know the drill. Normally…
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March 8, 2020
Some genres of music span a lifetime and will live on forever. Jazz, Rock ‘N Roll, Grindcore, and Symphonic Death…
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March 4, 2020
I am not a racist. I’m friends with all sorts of different colors of people. Black, white, brown, beige, khaki.…
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February 9, 2020
CHICAGO — 28-year-old aging punk Johnny “Ratfuck” Pitzki has entered the “I don’t even really listen to punk anymore” phase…
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