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Opinion: Unfriend Me RIGHT NOW if You’re Literally Yolanda Saldívar, the Woman Who Shot Selena

If you are reading this right now and your name is Yolanda Saldívar…


You literally MURDERED beloved singer/songwriter/spokesperson/businesswoman/ model/actress/fashion designer, Selena Quintanilla-Pérez! Not only was Selena a massive talent, but the “Queen of Tejano music” was also a huge inspiration to young, upcoming singers across the globe. And you took her away, devastating millions of fans.


If there were a Fucking Asshole Scale and you stepped on it? The pointy thing would land on, like, 10. Sorry, not sorry. I am doing my weekly cleansing of Facebook “friends”, and if you somehow happen to be on here, DELETE ME. IMMEDIATELY. And don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out! Yolanda? More like NO-landa!

I’m not sure they even allow Facebook in prison. But if they do, and you for some strange reason found me, and then requested me, and I approved…GET OUT! I don’t know why I would’ve even added you! After seeing the Behind the Music on Selena, I surely would’ve known about how you weaseled your way into Selena’s inner circle, stole $60,000 from her and her dedicated fans, and then shot the beloved pop singer in a motel room! Like, ew, gross. What the actual fuck? Shooting a famous singer is not an amazeballs thing to do. It is, in fact, the opposite of amazeballs.


And if they don’t allow Facebook in prison, and you’re not reading this? Don’t even THINK about trying to add me when you possibly get out on parole on March 30, 2025. Because I will not accept it. I will let you rot in my request folder, along with my Drumpf-supporting Aunt Doris.

Say it louder for the people in back, YOLANDA. SALDÍVAR. IS. TRASH.