Opinion: I Think I Can Make It!
Oh, dear. Well, Billy, you’re in a bit of a precarious situation here. Damn, this jump looked way narrower from…
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James Knapp — Page 30
316 stories found
Man Who’s Never Won a Fight Really Hopes You Don’t Agree to “Take This Outside”
SEATTLE — Local man Evan Sobitski is terrified at the moment that he’s about to get in an actual, physical…
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We Gave One Million Monkeys a Million Typewriters and These Are the Guttermouth Songs They Wrote
We here at The Hard Times have always been fascinated with the thought experiment that if you give a monkey…
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Punk Astronaut Costs NASA Millions After Cutting Sleeves Off Spacesuit
HOUSTON — Self-proclaimed “bad boy of outer space” Willis McReady cost the National Aeronautics and Space Administration approximately $3.4 million…
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We Built This City on Nu Metal and Now Our Entire Public Works Budget Is Devoted to JNCOs and Salvia
Most called us crazy when we initially came up with a plan to build an entire city based around an…
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Report: Punk with Poster in Frame Must Be Doing Pretty Well for Himself
ERIE, Penn. — Local punk Jackson McCreedy is thought to be “rolling in dough” today, as his old Asian Man…
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Mother Shares Adorable Anecdote About Single Most Damaging Experience from Daughter’s Childhood
HIAWASSEE, Ga. — Local mom Camille Belvin shared a charming anecdote during a family dinner last night about an event…
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We Talked With a Bartender About Our Personal Troubles and He Mostly Just Cleaned a Glass With a Rag While Nodding Knowingly
Recently, we here at The Hard Times have been going through some pretty… well, hard times. Fortunately, the bartender at…
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We Interviewed Your Dad to Figure out How to Fix Our Hot Water Heater and Open a Checking Account
Despite our reputation for edginess and youthful rebellion, we here at The Hard Times admit that sometimes when there’s a…
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Animal Rescue Workers Save Eight Reindeer from Deranged Arctic Hoarder
NORTH POLE — Members of the organization Stop Treating Animals Badly [STAB] rescued eight reindeer yesterday that were allegedly being…
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