Florida Wins Government Bid to Become Mass Grave
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis announced today that his state has won a federal contract to become the…
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Ben Friedman
299 stories found
MySpace Tells Employee to Stay Home During Pandemic
LOS ANGELES — Social media website MySpace announced today it will require their singular employee to work from home during…
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Guy Winning Poker Game Not Sure How or Why
MINNEAPOLIS — First time poker player Ryan Feldman is absolutely cleaning out his friends in a game of Texas Hold…
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First Kiss Not at All What Porn Made It out to Be
COLTS NECK, N.J. — Local eighth grader Steve McKenzie was confused and disillusioned last week when his first kiss at…
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Highway to Hell Adopted by David Koch
NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL — Denizens of the underworld are welcoming significant infrastructure improvements over the next few weeks as…
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Surf Rock Band Playing in Hidden Corner of Venue Only Locals Know About
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — Popular local surf rock band Neutral Milk Hotel California is rumored to be playing a show…
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Danzig’s Directorial Debut Released Straight to Mystery Science Theater 3000
LOS ANGELES — Punk legend and filmmaker Glenn Danzig's debut horror film “Verotika” will be available exclusively on Netflix later…
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Man Time Travels to September 10, 2001 to Warn Everyone that Weezer Sucks Now
NEW YORK — Inventor and former Weezer fan Dr. Stanley Tankowitz successfully time travelled last week to September 10, 2001,…
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Defensive Morrissey Fans Take Gold in Mental Gymnastics
LOS ANGELES — The International Committee for Problematic Favorites announced today that die-hard defenders of Morrissey have won the 2019…
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