July 2022 - Page 5 of 13

Top 5 Merch Guys to Watch, Like, They’re Probably Skimming the Till

Dan Rice • July 22, 2022

For most DIY bands, merch is a $630 per year industry, and growing when you don’t factor in inflation. Musicians…

Woman’s Guttural Vocal Ability Discovered During IUD Insertion

Sarah Feliciano • July 21, 2022

LOS ANGELES — Grindcore frontwoman and recent gynecological patient Lexi Tyler discovered her never-before-heard guttural vocal abilities during an IUD…

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Landlord Pays it Forward by Helping Tenants Apply For Food Stamps, Only Raising Rent 200%

Harley Murgatroyd • July 21, 2022

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo, — Local landlord Montgomery Hawthorne Jr. found a way to give back to his financially struggling residents…

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How Positive Thinking, Vision Boarding and 10 Thousand Dollars Will Get You a Ticket to Burning Man

Chris Bratton • July 21, 2022

Let's face it, everything is absolute shit right now. It seems like everyone is draped in darkness and nothing remains…

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Cool: The Overly Friendly Guy Next to Our Campsite Is Going to Be a Problem

Chris Bratton • July 21, 2022

“Always be prepared” is the motto of the Boy Scouts, I think. While recently camping I deluded myself that I…

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Woman Uses Freshly Plucked Chin Hair to Restring Guitar

Ciara Murphy • July 20, 2022

BOSTON — Local guitarist Lacey Buntz successfully replaced the low E string on her acoustic guitar using a thick, incredibly…

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I’m JD Power and These Are My Associates, Sure Would Be a Shame if Your Car Didn’t Win Any Awards

Nathan Kamal • July 20, 2022

When you think of trustworthy, dependable reviews of automobile dependability and capacity, there is only one name you think of.…

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Man Hates All Conservatives Except For Ones Who Make Woodworking TikToks

Jon Ruggiero • July 20, 2022

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Penn. — Local leftist, and amateur craftsman, Flint Cropwell admits to harboring a burning hatred for people who espouse…

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We Caught Up With These Winners from MTV’s Next To See What They Spent their 50 Bucks On

Patrick Crooks • July 20, 2022

The powers that be have decided it’s time for even more Aughts nostalgia, that magical time of Ed Hardy shirts,…

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Nostalgic Pop Punk Fan Cranks It to “Enema of the State” Artwork for Old Times’ Sake

John Danek • July 19, 2022

CRANSTON, R.I. – Elder millennial and lifelong pop punk fan Trent Wilshire relived his early teen years by pleasuring himself…

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