January 2020 - Page 15 of 21

Jonah Nink • January 11, 2020

Having an appreciation for Metallica's later work is like robbing a convenience store; most people look down on it, but…

Patrick Coyne • January 11, 2020

NEW YORK — A large-scale data breach of Tumblr’s current user base compromised the personal information of all 12 horny,…

Shea Strauss • January 11, 2020

I used to be a God-fearing man. A real fire-and-brimstone buff. But my faith in God aged just as poorly…

John Danek • January 11, 2020

DETROIT — Local bar/glam rock band Stiletto Devils, who cite fellow Detroiters Kiss as their sole influence, “suck ass” at…

Patrick Coyne • January 10, 2020

NEWARK, N.J. — Local punk and expert responsibility-avoider Dean Freeman asked his neighbor this morning to throw out all his…

Mark Bouchard • January 10, 2020

These liberals get upset over every little thing, even sucking dick. Everyone knows that sex shouldn't be a safe space.…

KC Phillips • January 10, 2020

JANESVILLE, Wis. — An alarming analysis of several of Burger King’s new Impossible Whopper sandwiches has found that the popular…

Owen Crowlie • January 10, 2020

SAN JOSE, Calif. — Members of the Fallout: New Vegas speedrunning community are locked in a contentious debate over the…

Zach Raffio • January 10, 2020

Wow! You’ve just received an edible arrangement from your Aunt Elizabeth, congratulating you on the birth of your first child.…

The Hard Times Staff • January 10, 2020

MAMANUCA ISLANDS, Fiji. — Crew members currently filming the latest season of “Survivor” were shocked to discover that a scab…

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