56. Dawn of the Dead (1978), Helicopter Kill
Given how many helicopters Trump has been around, and his total lack of… let’s say caution, it’s kind of surprising he hasn’t already recreated this iconic kill scene. Let’s just hope that if and when he does, the cameras are rolling.
55. Carrie (1976), Mom’s Death
Who could forget the death of Carrie’s mother, slain by knives in what is clearly intended to be a mock crucifixion. No disrespect to Piper Laurie, but we feel such a powerful religious tableau calls for the casting of a devout actor. Enter Donald Trump, a man who walks every step with Christ always. Trump is so religious he always cites the Bible as his favorite book, and when asked to share his favorite passage, he can’t even name one, presumably because he just loves them all so much and can definitely read. It is for this reason we wish to see him crucified and full of knives. In the movie. Carrie.
54. Black Christmas (1974), Death by Plastic Wrap
Trump’s agent was pretty upset when we suggested recasting him for just this one kill scene, but he started to turn around when we told him his character would live at a college sorority house. Anyway, no one who has spent the amount of time Trump has with Epstein is a stranger to gasper fetishism. Donald can deliver the goods here.
53. Saw 3D (2010), Reverse Bear Trap
One of the most horrific kills in a franchise that prides itself on its horrific kills, the reverse bear trap is top-notch gore. The only thing that could have made the scene more impactful was if the victim was explaining how tariffs are going to make everything more affordable before it went off. Yes, Reverse Bear Trap Victim would be an incredible role for the actor Donald Trump.
52. Deadly Friend (1986), Basketball
If you don’t know this one, stop what you’re doing and YouTube the scene.
Okay, that was crazy, right?! It’s low-key one of the most unexpected moments of graphic gore in horror history. One second, an old, annoying screaming person’s head is there; the next, it explodes. It’s a role Donald was born to play.
51. The House of the Devil (2009), Pizza Guy
No notes on Greta Gerwig’s early performance, but sometimes you just look at an actor, and you think, “They would be great at getting shot in the face suddenly and unexpectedly.” Trump is such an actor.
50. Nope (2022), Gordy’s Rampage
We can just buy Trump messing with the chimp too much and triggering this whole thing, which makes it a little more grounded.
49. Jaws (1975), Quint’s Death
Obviously, Robert Shaw is a legend, but the irony of dismantling the radio that could have saved him from the shark and then being eaten by the shark speaks to Trump’s real-life experience, and we feel he would really come alive in this role. Well, until, you know…
48. In a Violent Nature (2024), Head Torn Through Torso
Rumors about Trump’s mobility issues are always making the rounds, so it’s just a great PR move to show everyone he does yoga.
47. The Thing (1982), Trump Looking Monster
I mean, they were clearly going for a Trump-type here; why not run it again, fire up the flamethrower, and do it right?
