36. The Blob (1988), The Kitchen Drain
One of two kills from the ’80s Blob remake to make our list, this one is particularly brutal and memorable. The visceral concussion of that body being pulled down that drain is not something you’ll easily forget. It’s a little implausible, though, at least when done to the actor on screen. Trump, however, is an actor blessed by an extremely malleable-looking carriage.
35. Saw 3 (2006), The Rack
Once again, powerful religious imagery requires a powerfully religious man. It is for that and no other reason that we would like to see Donald Trump subjected to the slow brutality of The Rack. This is all fine.
34. The Omen (1976), Decapitation
Something about the way the head proceeds to roll across the windowpane that just cut it off screams “Trump could play this better than David Warner!”
33. Halloween (1978), Judith Myers
One of the most hotly debated topics in franchise horror is why Michael Myers suddenly starts to kill. If Trump were cast as Michael’s first victim, Judith Myers, it would make a lot more sense, because he’s a grown man, and Judith had just had sex with a teenager. You, the audience, can at least understand wanting to stab a powerful man who has sex with teenagers, right?
32. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors (1987), Prime Time
It’s no secret that Trump loves TV. He loves it even more than Jennifer, the hopeful teen actor whom Freddy kills, ironically, by morphing out of her television. Not only would it be fitting to cast Trump as the person getting their head smashed into a living television set, but it would also open the door for tons of cameos! The original has Dick Cavett and Zsa Zsa Gabor, but the Trump version could feature players like Ben Shapiro, Stephen Miller, and Kid Rock all falling to Freddy’s knife fingers during the channel flipping! Absolute cinema.
31. Barbarian (2022), AJ’s Death
Nothing against Justin Long’s performance; he’s fantastic, but this one scene would have played better if Trump were in the role. After blatantly pushing a woman off a building out of cowardice, AJ runs down to her and explains that he absolutely had to do what he did, and that he has actually done nothing wrong. It’s the sort of performance Donald has stunned us with countless times, and that’s why he should have his eyes caved in, and his head ripped in half by an incest bred mutant. In the movie.
30. Halloween 3: Season of the Witch (1982), Mask Kill
Sometimes you just look at an actor, and you think, “They would be great at wearing an evil Halloween mask that uses a laser to turn your face into bugs and snakes when you watch a coded commercial broadcast from an evil Celtic organization.” Donald Trump is such an actor.
29. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Hammer Kill
The simple, crude brutality of this kill is what makes it so terrifying and memorable, but that little convulsion he does when he drops? We don’t fully buy it. You know what actor would nail that part? Trump. Just look at those clips of him making fun of the physically handicapped! The man can convulse. Let’s get him on the business side of Leatherface’s steel door immediately.
28. House (Hausu, 1977), The Piano Scene
Trump’s public persona is a balancing act between evil and cartoonishness, making him an ideal casting choice for Hausu.
27. Thanksgiving (2023), The Turkey
Say what you will about Eli Roth (boo! hiss!), he gave us a fantastically macabre holiday horror image with his human turkey kill in Thanksgiving. And say what you will about Donald Trump, but you can imagine his skin crisping up real nice.
