26. Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995), Jamie’s Death
It’s no secret that Halloween 6 was a troubled production, and the snubbing of Danielle Harris to reprise her role as Jamie was controversial. Frankly, if you’re going to recast the star of the previous two films and kill her off right away, you should at least cast a top-tier actor. Presidential-tier, even. Trump is so good you won’t even question why he’s being impaled on a pitchfork/drill of some kind.
25. Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)
Okay, so this is a bit of a conceptual one, because we’re talking about a scene that was not actually in the movie. Notoriously, a botched helicopter stunt resulted in the death of actor Vic Morrow. What we are proposing is to run it again. Same scenario—same director, same crew, same everything, but replace Vic Morrow with Trump. We’re betting that with Donald Trump’s natural leadership aura on set, it simply won’t go down the way it did, and everything will be fine. Oh, same pilot, too; that’s important.
24. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984), Glenn
Trump probably still has a water bed.
23. The Whicker Man (1973)
Trump could nail this one. He has personal experience dealing with a fringe movement that eventually turns on him, so he could just draw from that, and as far as actors whose flesh you can easily visualize burning goes, he is top tier.
22. The Substance (2024)
This is a relatively recent addition to the canon, and we don’t want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn’t gotten around to it yet. Let’s just say we think he could nail the ending with almost no prosthetics needed.
21. The Fly (1986)
The beauty here is that you wouldn’t actually need to film much new stuff to cast Trump as Brundle. Most of The Fly’s horror comes from watching Brundle gradually become more and more grotesque and unhinged. We have a solid ten years’ worth of footage of Trump doing exactly that! We just need to reshoot Brundle’s last scene.
20. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984), Jason’s Death
While it was marketed as the big finale/permanent death of Jason at the time, we all know he came back again and again. Just when you think his reign of terror is over, and he will finally face the consequences of his horrible crimes, there he is again. Jason Voorhees truly is the twice-impeached president of slasher villains. There’s something about those final shots of an abused child hacking away at him relentlessly that just screams, “Get Trump in that scene immediately!”
19. American Psycho (2000), Patrick Bateman’s Axe Murder
You made a New York horror movie about American corporate soullessness in the ’80s and didn’t cast Donald Trump? Big missed opportunity! Yes, this kill is iconic, but think of how much better it could have been if Patrick Bateman got to scream, “Try segueing your reality TV career into a fascist takeover of America now, you fucking bastard!” before burying the axe.
18. Bone Tomahawk (2015), Deputy Nick
A fantastic opportunity for Trump to showcase that his hair is in fact real!
17. Friday the 13th (1980), Mrs. Voorhees Decapitation
Betsy Palmer is a legend as Pamela Voorhees—untouchable, the G.O.A.T. It’s the performance that launched one of the most enduring franchises in horror history, but she’s not around anymore, and we’re due for a reboot. Only an actor of Trump’s caliber could possibly match her unhinged rant style and head-chopability.
