Emma Jonas
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PORTLAND — Anxious roommate Megan Styers allegedly adorned every door in her house with a post-it note bearing only the…
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Kate Howard
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BOSTON — Local record store owner Hank Lapkus is an anxious mess lately, spending every day hoping his customers don’t…
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The Hard Times Staff
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ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Local 14-year-old Colton Blewitt resisted the urge to tell his father he loved him today, fearing the…
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John Danek
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OXFORD, England — An android created by the Oxford Department of Engineering has reportedly worried incessantly since the mid-’90s that…
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Forrest Ferguson
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ATLANTA — 17-year-old Fumiko Ishioka startled audience members at a hardcore show last night, standing motionless in the center of…
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Patrick Coyne
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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Senior VICE editor Archie Jenkins sprinted from his office in Williamsburg yesterday after remembering he coerced a…
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Goodrich Gevaart
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HOUSTON — Local man Carlos Berry is suspected of going from ironic enjoyment of the “Flat Earth or Death” Facebook…
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Rick Homuth
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ATHENS, Ga. — Local punk Ramon Dixon has officially decided he’ll “give it a few days” before telling his roommates…
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Louie Aronowitz
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NEW YORK — Local woman Angela Lefler experienced an unending cycle of self-loathing and regret last night after her post-date…
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Doug Francisco
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BELLINGHAM, Wash. — 25-year-old Kyle Booth suspects that his new punk friends only like him for his basement, now that…
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